Autism and Faith

This video was put together by Sahara Cares.  This is a great tool to validate how you may feel about spectrum disorders or disabilities in general and how they impact your family's experience with worship services. 

Education is power. When those around us are educated, they become more accepting, understanding, and compassionate.  Please share so that the spirit of inclusion may be ever present in our religious gatherings and services.

Eternal Perspective

Something Greater

God will never leave you empty.

He will replace everything you lost.

If He asks you to put something down,

it's because He wants you to

pick up something greater.

Source

Win Every Time

Source

Source

Miracles

Look Upward

 

April's husband gave a beautiful devotional about Caleb's life and death. He shared this quote and other beautiful messages. You can watch it in full here.

"Mothers and fathers who anxiously await the arrival of a precious child sometimes learn that all is not well with this tiny infant. A missing limb, sightless eyes, a damaged brain, or the term “Down’s syndrome” greets the parents, leaving them baffled, filled with sorrow, and reaching out for hope.


"There follows the inevitable blaming of oneself, the condemnation of a careless action, and the perennial questions: “Why such a tragedy in our family?” “Why didn’t I keep her home?” “If only he hadn’t gone to that party.” “How did this happen?” “Where was God?” “Where was a protecting angel?” If, why, where, how—those recurring words—do not bring back the lost son, the perfect body, the plans of parents, or the dreams of youth. Self-pity, personal withdrawal, or deep despair will not bring the peace, the assurance, or help which are needed. Rather, we must go forward, look upward, move onward, and rise heavenward.

"It is imperative that we recognize that whatever has happened to us has happened to others. They have coped and so must we. We are not alone. Heavenly Father’s help is near." ~Thomas S. Monson

Precise in Praying

 

 

 

Try This Fresh Perspective On Your Strengths & Emotions

I went to a women's conference a few weeks ago and I keep thinking about one of the talks. It really resonated with me and I wanted to share it with all my kidz readers. I hesitated to do so, though, but it just keeps nagging at me and I cannot put it off any longer. I hope you can be touched by this like I was. It really helped me accept and understand some of my feelings about a lot of things! I'm just doing a re-cap from my notes about the talk given by Julie Hanks, a clinical social worker/therapist as well as a singer/songwriter. If you've ever wondered where your miracle is and can relate to the lyrics of her song, then the message of her talk is for you!

Overwhelmed and underpaid

Morning comes too soon

Running late and on my plate

A million things to do

Got a baby cryin'

Another trying to find the other shoe

When I open my eyes the dam will break

Their need will flood my room

My mother's sick

And I'm late to pick up kids at school

I need to clean, can't fit in my jeans

The fridge gives no comfort food

You made wine from water

And raised up Jairus' daughter from her bed

Filled the empty fishing nets

And with some loaves and fishes fed a hungry crowd

Make enough of me to go around

Multiply and magnify this tiny little life of mine

Enlarge me and expand this heart and fill it with divine

My heart is cold, nothing grows but thistles and some thorns

They choke the light and shrink the vine, I need to be reborn

You made wine from water

And told a scarlet daughter, 'Sin no more.'

Surrendered to the garden,

Through thorns and nails you pardoned the angry crowd

Make enough of me to go around

 Many women live by several myths:

• Taking care of myself is selfish
• I should always be happy and perpetually sweet
• Acknowledging my strengths is prideful

These things are NOT true! This is truth:

• We have to take care of ourselves first so we can take care of others.  (Think of the oxygen mask in an airplane).
• We need to acknowledge all of our emotions so we can identify the source of those emotions, manage them, and use them for good purposes.
• It is ultimate humility to acknowledge the good of God in yourself. Understanding and owning your divine attributes and divine purposes is one of the highest levels of gratitude. Here's a short clip from Julie Hanks talking about accepting your strengths and improving your confidence:

Start to think of emotions as E-MOTION ---> energy in motion. Emotions are to be used as a guide in our lives and to help us understand our true, authentic self. We don't have to feel better, but get better at feeling and understanding those feelings. Don't suppress your emotions. Instead, ponder on them, then use them to direct your actions and interactions so you can be a source of joy as well as find joy for yourself! What brings you joy is information about your life's mission, so prioritize the things that bring you JOY!

Oftentimes our to-do list doesn't get checked off because we spend time taking care of other things that come up, like talking to a friend who is going through a hard time, doing a craft with our child, or going on a walk because the weather was so nice and it made us happy. Then we beat ourselves up when we look at the unchecked items on our list. Stop that!!! Instead, make a "Ta-Da!" list at the end of each day. This is a list of good things you did, those things that really are most important. Acknowledge your accomplishments, do not dismiss them because you didn't achieve the trivial tasks around the house. See and appreciate the good within yourself and all the good that you do each day!

I hope these concepts touched even one other person as much as they touched me. As I have applied this fresh perspective on my emotions and strengths, I have seen a tremendous difference in my life -- an increase in happiness! And you special needs mamas definitely deserve a little more happiness!

 

He Understands

No Fight Left

It's hard to tell if my eyes are open
When all I see is dark
And it's easy, it's easy to lose my step
To lose my step

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you

And I used to dream of a life so lovely
There'd be no room for tears
Now letting go, yeah
Letting go is the hardest part
It's the hardest part
There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you
Ohhh...

There is no place I can go
Where you don't already know
How to reach right down and pull me out
I need you, I need you, I need you

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all...

There is no fight left on the inside
But maybe that's where I should be
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all, yeah
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all, yeah
I've given up trying
I'm giving it all to you

Safeguarding the Siblings of Children With Special Needs

By M. Sue Bergin of BYU Magazine.

Families should know the potential risks, get support, and expand their faith.


As Brandon M. Ogden and Jenny Watson Ogden raise four young children in Gilbert, Ariz., their third child’s special needs have the potential to eclipse the needs of the other three, which could contribute to resentment and alienation. Instead, 8-year-old Austin’s limitations and peculiarities—and also his loving disposition—are mostly a blessing to his siblings.

“We have taught our kids from day one that Austin’s syndrome does not define who he is. He is first a child of God, an individual, and their brother. We often discuss why God made him this way, and why He sent him to our family. Our kids comment that even though Austin has issues that are difficult to deal with, Austin brings a lot of love and happiness into our family,” says Jenny.

All families who have a child or children with special needs struggle for balance. Whether their child has autism, cerebral palsy, or diabetes, most parents can quote the incidence rates per 100 children, list symptoms, talk about causes, and explain treatments. Some, however, are not versed in the potential risks to siblings of a child with special needs and the protective factors that can help all their children thrive in the face of tremendous challenges.

For several decades, professors Susanne Olsen Roper and Tina Taylor Dyches, and their colleagues Barbara L. Mandleco and Elaine Marshall, have been studying families that include a child or children with special needs. While their studies show that these families generally do quite well, and, in fact, may benefit in some ways from having a child with special needs, they say parents can minimize the downsides by understanding the risks, getting support, and drawing on their faith.




Know the Risks

One of the first things parents can do to support their typically developing children is to get a handle on the potential risks to the siblings and their relationships within the family. One risk is resentment. “Research shows that children take on extra responsibilities, especially the older sister,” says Roper, associate professor of family life. “She might feel like she can’t go out and be with friends because she needs to take care of her sibling with special needs, or because Mom is too worn out and Dad is working a second job. These children can become resentful, even if no one’s asked them to take on the extra duties.”

The Ogdens work at preventing resentment by expecting Austin to at least try to do what’s expected of his siblings, such as chores, schoolwork, and practicing good manners. These are not easy tasks for an 8-year-old with Williams syndrome, a genetic condition characterized by a wide range of physical and intellectual difficulties. “When our kids see that Austin also has to make his bed, treat others kindly, not yell, and follow the rules in the house, they don’t have those negative feelings towards him,” says Brandon. As the children observe Austin struggling to do his best, it’s easier for them to accept his limitations.

Siblings may also be at higher risk for being bullied, perhaps as they try to protect their brother or sister from tormenters. While they might become physical guardians, they also can feel pressure to overachieve academically. “If you have a child who is not functioning normally intellectually, the sibling often feels like he or she has to overcompensate—‘I’ve got to get straight As and be the top violinist so I even things out,’” says Dyches, an associate professor of special education. Parents should be alert to these behaviors and reassure their children that they accept them as they are, she says.

One of the most powerful protective factors in all these risks is ongoing conversation. If parents explain a child’s special needs to the family when a diagnosis is first made but then don’t bring it up again, their children can be at greater risk. Rather, parents should cultivate an open relationship where their typically developing children feel comfortable disclosing thoughts and feelings, no matter how distressing. The Ogdens nurture this gestalt daily.

“Our kids say, ‘When will he ever learn?’ a lot in frustration, and we accept their feelings,” says Jenny. “We talk all the time about what’s going on with him and with them, and they know we’ll listen even if we’re not thrilled about what they’re saying.”

Get Support

As every parent of a child with special needs knows, finding help can be daunting. The more significant the disability, the harder it can be for families. A typical 13-year-old babysitter would not be able to handle, for example, a nonverbal 4-year-old with autism who has self-destructive behaviors. “So parents say, ‘I can’t trust anyone with my child or children to do the job that I can do, so I’ll just do it all myself,’” says Dyches. Giving up on the search means that parents don’t get a break, which in turn means they may be less available both physically and emotionally to each other and to their other children.

Dyches and Roper urge parents to persist in looking for support until they find it. While state programs for respite care can have long waiting lists, parents should get on the lists. They also can enlist adult sitters, hire two sitters at a time, trade time off with other parents of children with special needs, and take advantage of special programs. In Utah County, for example, parents who do not get state assistance or are on a waiting list can bring their child with special needs to Friday’s Kids Respite, www.fridayskids.org, where competent adults, often BYU student volunteers accompanied by a nurse and other professionals, provide free childcare for an evening.

Parents can also enroll their children in the Sibling Support Project, a workshop that helps normalize the experience of having a sibling with a special need (siblingsupport.org). The monthly “Sibshops” are held in 340 locations throughout the world. “It’s a fun, engaging two or three hours where these kids can feel like they’re not alone. They can talk to other kids who are likely to relate to their experiences when they say, ‘Yeah, my brother has seizures, too’ or ‘Once my brother was life-flighted to the hospital.’ They can talk about these experiences that have really affected their lives in a friendly, easy-to-communicate environment,” says Dyches, co-founder of Sibshops of Utah County.

The Ogdens are very selective about whom they entrust with Austin, and that means their chances to get away wax and wane with what help is available. They don’t live near extended family, so they don’t get as many breaks as they would like, but they do try to go on a date each week. “But,” says Brandon, “if Austin’s behavior is more difficult at times, we won’t put the burden of babysitting on our other kids.”

At different times, the Ogdens’ support system for Austin has included a behavior coach, physical therapist, occupational therapist, speech therapist, music therapist, and respite providers. The support team also includes his schoolteacher and aides. Of great help has been joining the Williams Syndrome Association in their area. “We share ideas that help us solve some of our problems and we laugh about the funny things our children have in common. We support each other. It also helps to know that someone else knows what you are going through and how you feel when things get rough,” says Brandon.

Expand Your Faith

While having a child with special needs poses risks to other children in a family, much of Dyches and Roper’s research shows that this situation can be positive emotionally and spiritually. “Children in these families can develop high levels of empathy and higher self-control,” says Roper. “It may be a natural consequence of seeing siblings in difficult situations.”

In the Ogdens’ case, Austin’s syndrome includes high social abilities, making him easier to enjoy and be around. For families whose child with special needs means decreased social abilities, staying attached and bonded—and sympathetic—can be much more challenging.

Whatever the idiosyncrasies of a child with special needs, his or her parents and siblings are likely to wonder, “If we just had enough faith, could this child be healed?” Or perhaps they’ve had someone else present them with that disconcerting question. The response, says Dyches, is in becoming secure enough in their faith to know that this is a calling. “Christ’s disciples asked who had sinned that caused a man to be blind from birth, the man or his parents. Christ answered that no one had sinned but that the man was blind so ‘that the works of God should be made manifest in him’ (John 9:3).”

While Christ healed the blind man physically, Dyches believes that families with special needs children can be healed in multiple ways. “When we accept God’s will and we accept the circumstances he’s given to us—if we do that with an open heart and with faith—then we are healed, and our children are healed, emotionally and spiritually.”

Handle

The Letters He Would Write

I just had to share this sweet birthday gift to Caleb from his grandmother, Janene Baadsgaard.

Happy Birthday Caleb!
Instead of writing a story for your birthday this year I thought you might want me to help you write a few letters to your mother, father and brothers Joshua, Mathew and Mitchell.
I think if you were able to write a letter to these very special people who love you so much and take such good care of you they might read like this . . .


Dear Mother,

Many years ago you went in for an ultrasound very early in your pregnancy. You found out that I was a boy . . . and you also found out that I was missing my brain. When the medical professionals told you that I had no chance of survival and recommended an abortion - thank you for having the courage to listen to your heart and not your fears. When they told you I would have no quality of life and that I would ruin your family’s quality of life, thank you for choosing to discover what quality of life really means. When they told you I was missing an eye, thank you for choosing to see me as your precious son and not what the doctor called me (not viable - not conpatible with life). When further tests revealed that my entire head had not formed correctly and that my cleft-plate, partially formed nose and multiple missing cranial structures would make eating and breathing in a usual way impossible, thank you for choosing not to despair, but to devote yourself cheerfully and gratefully to my 24-hour care. When the doctors told you to take me home, buy a burial plot and let me die, thank you for choosing to fight for my life and celebrate each day I was in your home.

These past seven years have brought multiple hospitalizations and near death emergencies. We’ve spent a lot of time in hospital, you and me. Thank you for always being there right beside me when each individual breath was painful, labored and exhausting. I’ve heard your every prayer, every heart-felt longing and each exhausted plea to God. And though I’ve never been able to speak a word or raise my arms to embrace you, never doubt how much I love you my precious mother. There is a love deeper than life and broader than time between you and me, an eternal bond that time and circumstance will never break.

I am so grateful that you have chosen to live the past seven years with joy, not sorrow – that my presence was and is enough for you. The world defines us by what we can do. Thank you for choosing to define me by who I am. There will be a day, beyond this life, when I will be able to say all the things I never said, but I have a feeling you already know. When two hearts are knit together, there is often no need for words.

I was born in the winter, a time of waiting before the spring. Always remember that winter’s promise is the hope of spring. There will be a day when the time of waiting is over and all that was lost will be reborn.

I love you mom.

Caleb


Dear Father,

I know you and mom stay up late every night with me so my medication can take effect and also to have some special snuggle time with me. You and Mom usually tuck me into bed around midnight, but it usually isn't long until my alarms start beeping, I need suctioning, a diaper change or more medicine. A few nights a week I have a night nurse who sits with me from 12-6 so you and mom can get some sleep. But on the other nights, it is you and me Dad. You are always there with me when I need you in the night. Those late night hours when it is just you and me mean everything to me. In this life I will never be able play catch, or even speak or hug you. But I know that when fathers love their sons, they love them in the way they need to be loved. With us it is g-tubes, respirators and diapers.

You are always there with me when I need you in the day also. Dad, thank you for going to work every day at BYU so that all of us have everything we need.

Dad, I want you to know about something you may not see. When fathers love their sons like you love me, the powers of heaven open. There are angels around you every night, lifting your arms when you are too tired and keeping you awake when every cell in your body screams for sleep. I am aware of and grateful for every time you turn me, change my diaper, suction me then hug me and kiss me. You never complain, and though I can’t respond when you talk to me, I hear you Dad. I hear every word, spoken or unspoken, every desire, and every prayer to God in my behalf.

I also love the way you tease me like Dad’s do. Like the way you call me One-eye and let me dress up as the one-eyed pirate on Halloween.

I love the way take me everywhere and proudly tell people I am your son. When you come into my room at night I always proudly tell the angels that you are my father.

I love you Dad.

Caleb






Dear Brothers,

Josh, Matty and Mitch - I’m so happy that you are my brothers. You always take time every day to include me and make me an important part of the Moody boy’s story.

I remember when you used to crawl in in crib when I was a baby and sing “I am a child of God” when my heart rate was getting too slow. You always brought me toys and even though I couldn’t play with them the way you do, I imagined myself playing with them and it was still fun.

I love it when you hug and kiss me and tell me about your day. Even though I can’t raise my arms to hug you back, I love the way you lift my arms around your neck and put your cheek next to my lips.

When you talk to me I can’t answer you with my mouth in words, but I hear you listening to me with your heart. When you’re listening that way you can hear me telling you, “I love you Josh.” “I love you Matty.” “I love you Mitchell.” Thank you for helping mom during the day when I need to be turned or suctioned. That is such a nice way to tell me you love me back.

Don’t worry about my eye that is missing. When I was in heaven, I knew the Baadsgaard secret code for telling each other “I love you, you’re wonderful, and you can do it!” It was a wink. I knew that I would never be able to speak to you with words in this life, so I thought of a plan. That is why I chose to come as your brother winking so that you would always know that I love you and believe in you. Thank you for believing in me – believing that I am still your brother inside this body – even though I can’t move, or see or hear or think the way you do. Thank you for believing that even though I’m missing my brain, I’m not missing my heart and soul. Thank you for believing that we will always be one of the Moody boys and we’ll always love each other forever.

I love you Joshua.

I love you Mathew.

I love you Mitchell.

Caleb

Control

The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me
It doesn't hurt enough to make me forget
One moment of relief is never long enough
To keep the voices in my head
From stealing my peace

Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go

Perfection has a price
But I cannot afford to live that life
It always ends the same; a fight I never win

Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go

I'm letting go of the illusion
I'm letting go of the confusion
I can't carry it another step
I close my eyes and take a breath
I'm letting go, letting go

There were scars before my scars
Love written on the hands that hung the stars
Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me

Oh, control
It's time, time to let you go...
Control
It's time, time to let you go

Greatest Growth

I am in the hospital right now for personal health issues and some adorable little ladies just came around with cards that had these amazing quotes on them. They were barely out of the room before I got on the computer to share them with you all. I thought instantly of my fellow "momz"... the many differing challenges you all face. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, that you will be able to bear your burdens and have divine assistance when needed. Enjoy these quotes.

"Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life, let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured and then have overcome. When we have done all that we are able, we can rely on God's promised help.

"You have access to the lighthouse of the Lord. There is no fog so dense, no night so dark, no mariner so lost, no gale so strong as to render useless the lighthouse of the Lord. It beckons through the storms of life. It seems to call, 'This way to safety; this way to home." ~Thomas S. Monson



"I have seen the remorse and despair in the lives of men who, in the hour of trial, have cursed God and died spiritually. And I have seen people rise to great heights from what seemed to be unbearable burdens.



"Finally, I have sought the Lord in my own extremities and learned for myself that my soul has made its greatest growth as I have been driven to my knees by adversity and affliction." ~Marion G. Romney

What Makes Someone Extraordinary?

I'm sure you've seen videos about Nick Vujicic before, but this one is new (to me, anyway) and as inspiring as ever. I love the parts when he talks about his parents.

It's All Good

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

Light

Caleb's eye really responds to light so we have a light box we use to help him with vision.

It touched my heart to see Mitchell pull it out so he could teach Caleb.

It melts me to see Mitchell so eager to share the light with Caleb

While at the same time Caleb teaches him what true light really is.

I hope my boys will never forget the light and love they feel when they spend time with Caleb.

For the way he shares his light is divine indeed.

Who We Are

A sweet perspective from Caleb's grandmother, Janene Baadsgaard, of Baadsgaard Bylines.


I've noticed that when we are meeting someone for the first time we often ask, "What do you do?" It is a common question for most of us are curious about other's occupations.

I've also observed that as my children were growing up many people asked them, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" referring to what career they will choose. Prestige and the ability to earn money are often the result of what we choose to do.

So we grow into adults who focus almost entirely on what we do to feel good about ourselves. If we don't do enough during the day, we feel lazy. If we don't choose the right career or if we do something wrong, we fill our hearts with regret or guilt. More and more we learn to focus the camera lens of our lives on what we do.

The other day I was speaking with someone about my grandson Caleb. When people find out Caleb was born without a brain they often stand in stunned silence. Then they always ask, "What can he do?"

I know the question is innocent and I am not offended but I can't help thinking that they are missing the point. Caleb might not have a brain but he has a heart and soul. If I go through the usual list of important achievements in life, Caleb may not fit the bill. But I always long to explain that it is not what Caleb can do that defines him.

And sometimes the person I'm talking to persists with detailed questions like . . .
"Can he see?"
"Can he move?"
"Can he hear?"
"Can he speak?"
"Can he eat?"
"Can he breathe?"
"Can he think?"

And though the questions are innocent they often leave this impression . . .
"Well if he can't he do anything, I feel so sorry for him and for you. If he can't do anything - what purpose can his life possibly have?"

Because our family has been blessed to have Caleb in our lives we have learned that what makes someone valuable is not what they do but who they are. Though Caleb's body makes is almost impossible for him to do much of anything in a physical sense, his presence is enough for us. His divine and noble spirit is alive and well inside a body with severe physical limitations yet enhanced spiritual abilities. Caleb speaks without language getting in the way. He loves without the inherit limitations of physical affection. His soul shines with a light only seen through the eyes of love.

So the next time you see someone like my grandson Caleb do not ask their family members what they can do. Do not feel sorry for them. Instead say, "Tell me about your child."

And the next time you are thinking dark thoughts about self or others because of something you or they did of failed to do . . . stop.

Then, pray.

Allow yourself to feel the love of God for you and every person who has walked this earth. You are not valuable to God or those around you because of what you do or don't do. You are valuable because you are you.

Your existence - your presence - is enough.


And perhaps when you talk to the youth you might ask, "Who do you want to be when you grow up?" For it is our inner qualities, the qualities Caleb already possesses, like compassion, patience, gentleness, meekness, and love that are the true measures of a meaningful life.

Remember Me