Awhile ago I was sitting at my older son's (Kaleb) baskteball game holding Ben in my lap. He was needing some assistance so I reached over and turned on his suction machine to help him out. As I did this, one of the parents of a child on Kaleb's basketball team leaned over and asked me, "what happened to him?" It kind of threw me off guard a little bit because I wasn't sure if he was wondering why I was suctioning him or if he wanted to know why Ben was handicapped. I had to clarify with him and found he was asking about the latter. I have been asked this question many times in Ben's life. Most of the time I am completely fine with it. That day I was a little reserved in how much I shared because right away I am usually able to discern whether the person is genuinely concerned or just being nosey. This man was NOT genuinely concerned. I was polite and gave him the quick answer "his brain did not develop when I was pregnant with him". Of course that led to more curious questions like "did you know when you were pregnant with him?" I will always answer honestly so that people know where I stand on the value of life, whether they agree with me or not. During our brief conversation he flippantly remarked that he and his wife knew their first baby had spina bifida and so they aborted because "they didn't want to deal with what I was dealing with". It made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe that he could throw that out there so casually as if we were talking about the weather. It made me ill knowing that he was sitting there next to me and devaluing Benjamin as a person, like he was something that should have been thrown away. I understand that this person does not have the knowledge that I do and so mostly I just feel sorry for him. I feel sorry that he lost out on the chance to raise a child with special needs. I feel sorry that he doesn't realize just how valuable these children are. On the other side, how blessed am I to realize the full potential of these children? To be blessed to be a parent to such a child.
7 comments:
You're nicer than I would have been. I probably would have replied with something like, "No, I'm sure you wouldn't have been able to handle a child like this...you seem like kind of a jerk." (Or insert expletive insult of your choice). Sigh...You know, I have become more and more convinced lately that there are worse things than being in a wheelchair or on a ventilator--Ben may have some physical issues, but nothing can be done for them and he is living a perfect life for him. As for that guy, his body may be perfect, but his soul is obviously marred, and he chooses to do nothing about it when he could. That's worse. By far.
Truer words were never spoken. I count myself a special person for being given such a special child. Most parents never know the depth of love like we do! I would not have been nearly so nice, though. By the way, do you have that guys #, I'd love to talk to him!
this made me cry. I know parents who decided to terminate after hearing they were carrying a baby with Graham's condition and it kills me.
Oh, Dottie is standing next to me right now, she asked who Ben was, I told her and she says; "HI! He CUUUUTE".
On so true! Most people will never know the priviledge it is to care for someone so pure. Ben is so beautiful! I love his pictures!
If they only knew the true blessings we have!
Becky that is truly sad!! As you know our son has spina bifida and he has changed my life in so many ways I can't imagine what life would be without him!! He is amazing and tries so hard to keep up with his fourth grade class and for the most part does!! He has friends and feelings and I just can't even imagine being so ignorant!!
You are right there truly is a lack of knowledge for sure!! I must agree with Devon it is far worse to choose not to "DEAL" with lifes experiences and challenges!!
I have been thinking of you and wondering how you all are doing since he has been home guess I better go and see!!
It is a great blessing and honor to raise these special people!!
I think it's a shame that people go out of their way to talk to you and then make such a crazy comment. I wouldn't have been as nice to him, either.
And, I think Dottie is spot on - He is super cute!!!!!
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