Siblings and How They Feel
by Amber of Pray for Brandon
This morning I had to make Jordan wear her glasses because she has been getting headaches. Well being the drama queen she is she starts to say to me how everyone is going to make fun of her etc, etc,…. Then as the mommy I have to explain to her she is the prettiest girl with or without her glasses and that everyone else should see that. Oh my goodness I did not know that was going to lead to a subject about Brandon.
I guess I never really sat down and have asked the kids exactly how they deal with it. Well today I did just me and them before school started. Jordan was crying because she says that kids ask her questions about Brandon andshe just tells them that he is special. With the tears running down her face I felt lost, and hurt, and mad all at the same time. I looked at Trey and said son do they make fun of Brandon to you to. He said they have asked questions about him and he just tells them that he just does that. They leave him alone and he goes on with his day.
You know Jordan is in 2nd grade & Trey is in 5th so things are totally different for them. Treys friends are a little more mature but still why cant parents teach their kids that not everyone is the same? I know I did before I had Brandon and to respect the other person who is different.
So we kept on with the conversation and I told them that Brandon is the way he is because GOD wanted him that way.( I could feel my heart asking GOD why I don’t know) That is was nothing that any of us could help or stop it just happened and we would not change it for the world. I know that GOD gave him to us because we are a strong family and I don’t blame GOD to clarify what I said earlier. But sometimes those words, thoughts and wishes come out when you least want them to.
I had thoughts in my head trying to sort out what was best said to them. I could not say ” YOU TELL THEM SORRY BRATS THAT I WILL KICK THIER BUTTS IF THEY DONT STOP TALKING ABOUT MY CHILD!!!” now could I? Even though I probably was thinking it. But I could say” Just ignore people who try to make you feel any less special than you are. ” that was the right thing to say and is what I said. Trey of course being a bit like his mom and the over protector he said ” I will kick their butts ain’t no one going to say that about my brother or sister.” Ok in my mind I was beaming with happiness that he was being so tough and headstrong like me, but out came these words instead ” Now Trey we cant be like that we cant lower ourselves to their level, you have to remember you are better than that.”
You know life is hard and you don’t realize how hard it really is until you have a problem like this were you have to wake up and face reality. I hate my kids have to go through that with other kids but what can you do? Life throws you a curve ball and you just have to take it and remember you are stronger!
So for other parents who have special needs kids, don’t forget to ask your other kids how they deal with it. They need us to just as much if not more, I am going to be better at starting to pay more attention to my kids needs.
I have 4 kids each with their own unique way of life.
Trey who is the oldest and protector and very grown up at times. Who loves sports and who told me today Just wants to have friends.
Jordan who is 8 and only girl
Who is stubborn headstrong and yet she has this soft gentle side about her to. She loves sports, singing, shopping, anything girly. Who so pretty that I am forever in trouble. Who just wants to fit in.
Lance who is the wild child of my bunch
Who everyday keeps you on your toes. A imagination like anything I have ever seen. Who just wants his brother to play with him and wonders why he cant like the others.
Brandon who is our Angel
Who cant take up for himself and is the luckiest boy to have siblings like his to love him and protect him.
I just know that I am so lucky to have them all and would walk fire for any of them. I hope they grow up to be fine well rounded children. I hope I can teach them to respect and love all no matter what is wrong with them or how rude they are. I know it will be hard but that is why they call me “MOMMY” !
I guess I never really sat down and have asked the kids exactly how they deal with it. Well today I did just me and them before school started. Jordan was crying because she says that kids ask her questions about Brandon andshe just tells them that he is special. With the tears running down her face I felt lost, and hurt, and mad all at the same time. I looked at Trey and said son do they make fun of Brandon to you to. He said they have asked questions about him and he just tells them that he just does that. They leave him alone and he goes on with his day.
You know Jordan is in 2nd grade & Trey is in 5th so things are totally different for them. Treys friends are a little more mature but still why cant parents teach their kids that not everyone is the same? I know I did before I had Brandon and to respect the other person who is different.
So we kept on with the conversation and I told them that Brandon is the way he is because GOD wanted him that way.( I could feel my heart asking GOD why I don’t know) That is was nothing that any of us could help or stop it just happened and we would not change it for the world. I know that GOD gave him to us because we are a strong family and I don’t blame GOD to clarify what I said earlier. But sometimes those words, thoughts and wishes come out when you least want them to.
I had thoughts in my head trying to sort out what was best said to them. I could not say ” YOU TELL THEM SORRY BRATS THAT I WILL KICK THIER BUTTS IF THEY DONT STOP TALKING ABOUT MY CHILD!!!” now could I? Even though I probably was thinking it. But I could say” Just ignore people who try to make you feel any less special than you are. ” that was the right thing to say and is what I said. Trey of course being a bit like his mom and the over protector he said ” I will kick their butts ain’t no one going to say that about my brother or sister.” Ok in my mind I was beaming with happiness that he was being so tough and headstrong like me, but out came these words instead ” Now Trey we cant be like that we cant lower ourselves to their level, you have to remember you are better than that.”
You know life is hard and you don’t realize how hard it really is until you have a problem like this were you have to wake up and face reality. I hate my kids have to go through that with other kids but what can you do? Life throws you a curve ball and you just have to take it and remember you are stronger!
So for other parents who have special needs kids, don’t forget to ask your other kids how they deal with it. They need us to just as much if not more, I am going to be better at starting to pay more attention to my kids needs.
I have 4 kids each with their own unique way of life.
Trey who is the oldest and protector and very grown up at times. Who loves sports and who told me today Just wants to have friends.
Jordan who is 8 and only girl
Who is stubborn headstrong and yet she has this soft gentle side about her to. She loves sports, singing, shopping, anything girly. Who so pretty that I am forever in trouble. Who just wants to fit in.
Lance who is the wild child of my bunch
Who everyday keeps you on your toes. A imagination like anything I have ever seen. Who just wants his brother to play with him and wonders why he cant like the others.
Brandon who is our Angel
Who cant take up for himself and is the luckiest boy to have siblings like his to love him and protect him.
I just know that I am so lucky to have them all and would walk fire for any of them. I hope they grow up to be fine well rounded children. I hope I can teach them to respect and love all no matter what is wrong with them or how rude they are. I know it will be hard but that is why they call me “MOMMY” !
10 comments:
What a terrific post! I always thought about what will happen when Lillian gets older. Right now, it's easy. She's still young. Her big brother is only 3 and he doesn't know what's going on. Her big sister is 7 and knows just about everything a 7 year old needs to know about Down syndrome and her baby sister. So far, big sister has been her biggest advocate. She always tells people that her sister has Down syndrome, but it's OK.
And she's right, it's OK for now. But, lately, I've been thinking about later, like 5 or 6 years down the road. I hope and pray, that she still has the same attitude and will still advocate for her sister. I hope she still has the "It's OK" attitude!
What a beautiful post and beautiful family!
This makes me rethink about the family of 6 I wanted when we first got married...
You are a good mom! As the mom of an only child, I often forget that other people are dealing with more complex issues. I know in our area there is a Sibshops program for siblings of children with disabilities that is really good and can add to what the parents are doing to help their typical kiddos.
I had not really thought about how these things affect the siblings. This a valid post, we need to remember everybody in these situations.
It sounds like your older children are great...and with your good modelling will always look after their little brother!
It makes my tear up because we are almost identical. My son who is in 5th grade and one in second. My oldest has had a really ruff time since Jax was born, he often feels left out, and definitly scared when Jax is super sick. He is Jax defender against any harsh words. Having an angel child definitly makes our other children mature beyond their young years.
I agree with Nana...I didn't realize some of what the siblings go through, either. We really do need to think about all who are involved and what part they play. Great post!
Beautiful, insightful post. Thank you for sharing. Your children are so blessed to have you as their Mom.
Thank you all for your post. It is nice to know what you say helps others.
Thank you for sharing that perspective! Siblings of special kids are pretty special themselves!
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