Jan 31, 2009
Jan 30, 2009
I Like Football for the Hors D'ourves
Is everyone ready for Superbowl Sunday? I have no idea who's even playing this year, but I've got my party planned! C'mon, I'm not the only one like that, am I???
Well, here are some ideas you might use for your superbowl party....
Speaking of the superbowl, be sure to serve bottled drinks, then keep the bottle caps for these fun ideas....
Esprit Cabane gives a tutorial on how to make these bottle cap magnets. I love this idea. I'm always running out of magnets.
Craft BeatsI've been wanting to share this cute idea for awhile now....
Did you realize January is already almost over? Oh my goodness, did this month fly by or what. And do you remember that next Monday is Groundhog's Day?....
Gourmet Mom on the Go shows how to make these adorable groundhog cookies. The ingredients include chocolate and peanut butter. Sign me up!
If you need any recipes for your superbowl party, or just for some weekend meals, head over to Nana's Kitchen!
What are your plans for Superbowl Sunday? Have a fun weekend!
Jan 29, 2009
Enough
Sorry I'm posting this later than usual. I had virus issues last night. Oye. But no worries, we're back up and running today!
I Wish You Enough
Author Unknown
Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged, and the mother said, "I love you, and I wish you enough."
The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom."
They kissed, and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it
would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?"
"I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is - her next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.
"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"
She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you
enough,' we wanted the other person to have a life filled with just enough
good things to sustain them."
Then, turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.
Jan 28, 2009
A Wink From Heaven
A compilation of thoughts written by April Moody from the blog Wink From Heaven, which is about her son Caleb...
"If, therefore, thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light." ~Matthew 6:22
I remember the night I found out that our baby Caleb had significant problems. We were faced with the unbearable possibility that our baby might not be born alive. During our first glimpses of him we were filled with worry and deeper heartache than I had ever felt before. The next day I remember telling my mom, "this isn't how I imagined my family picture." I didn't imagine hanging a family picture on my wall that had someone missing. I also hadn't pictured a child whose time may be limited and whose challenges would be severe. It wasn't that I didn't want a disabled child. I wanted Caleb more than anything in the world. I had the opportunity to voice how much we wanted Caleb in many of those early doctor appointments when they presented our options. I pleaded with Heavenly Father for the opportunity to take care of our baby no matter how big his challenges were. We wanted Caleb with all of our hearts, his circumstances just weren't what I had pictured.
I remember that phrase, 'This isn't how I imagined my family picture' every time I put a new photograph in a frame, add a picture to a scrap book, or hang a portrait on my wall. My heart is filled with so much gratitude every time I look at my sweet little family inside those frames. It wasn't what I had pictured, and it is so much sweeter than I could ever have imagined. I would never have pictured how proud I would feel of Caleb for his courage, faith and patience. I never pictured how full my heart would feel as I watch my other little boys lovingly watch over him. I never pictured how my sweet little boy, whose time may be limited and whose challenges are severe, would touch the deepest parts of our hearts and change our lives forever. Just yesterday Matthew told me, 'I just get such a big loving feeling inside whenever I'm around Caleb- and I just have to hug him!'
I took our little family into the studio for some last minute pictures before Caleb went in for surgery [last November]. The pictures aren't fancy, but nothing could be more beautiful to me. I would never have pictured the exquisite delight I would feel in hanging photographs of theses precious souls on my wall...
When I was pregnant with Caleb, we were so excited to find out what we were having for our third child, so our kind friend offered to do an early ultra sound so that we could meet our new little family member! As we were driving to the clinic, I started to feel extremely uneasy. I asked my friend if he would tell us if anything was wrong. He reassured us that he would and that he would probably say something like, "we'll need to talk to a doctor about this."
As soon as the ultra sound began, our first glimpse was of our baby's' head. I immediately asked "is it supposed to look like that?" Instead of seeing any brain tissue, it was completely black. Our friend said, "We'll need to talk to a doctor about this..."
I started to cry and tried to focus on other information he gave us-- we were having a BOY!!! We were counciled to set up appointments with doctors and specialists so that we could learn more about our special little guy. Our hearts were heavy that night as we worried about our new little boy and the challenges that were likely ahead.
Within a few weeks we decided we wanted to name our little boy so that we could pray for him by name. We named him Caleb Joseph! Caleb was a righteous Israelite in the Old Testament who was always faithful and was known for his fearlessness in the face of overwhelming odds.
October 2004:
Dear Caleb, you are not going to be born for another 3 months, but you are such a special part of our family already. You have such a strong and compassionate spirit. I have felt so close to you during this time as we have been uncertain about what your birth will bring. About a month and a half ago, we discovered that you have a great amount of fluid in your brain. Our hearts have been so tender as we contemplate the possibility of only having you for a short time. Our hearts ache knowing that you may have significant problems throughout your life.
In the midst of the uncertainty, there are some things I know for sure. I know that you are my son for eternity. I know that you have an important role to play in our family and that we are privileged to be a part of it. I know that you love us and that you are aware of the deep love we have for you. I know that the Lord hears our prayers and sees our tears....Although I don't fully understand why you have physical hardships, I know that you have a valiant and loving spirit. I really feel you at times comforting me and that you want me to know everything will be okay....
This past week we had an MRI which confirmed the missing corpus collosum, a blockage causing excess fluid, and that you are missing your right eye. Getting that information broke my heart because I don't want you to have one more physical obstacle....I know that your spirit is not limited and that you have a special mission...I have seen hearts change just when people find out about you...
January 6, 2005:
Caleb was born at around 10:30 AM. His little cry was music to my ears! I got a quick glance before he was passed through a little window into the NICU. I got another glimpse of him as I was wheeled into my recovery room, and he was being prepared for transport to Primary Children's hospital. He was beautiful! In spite of the challenges I knew were ahead, I was just tickled so see my new little boy. His spirit is so big, and he just radiates with love.
Dear Caleb, you are here my precious boy! I am so full of love for you, my heart can't contain it all. I thought my heart would burst when I heard you cry after you were born. When they held you up for me to see, it was like looking at an angel! I knew today would be a life changing day for all of us - and it was. My life has been forever changed for the better because you are in it. I only got to see you for a few moments, but those moments will be treasured for my whole life.
January 7, 2005:
Dear Caleb, Today we spoke with your doctor and he explained many things to us. Your brain has not formed. It appears there is little they can do but stabilize you and prepare you to come home with us.... they don't expect you to live for more than a few weeks....at this moment I don't think my heart can bear the thought of letting you go. How can I look into that precious face knowing that my time is limited? I just want to stop this moment in time and hang on to it forever.... I wish I could choose the outcome, but I know your eternal outcome is already known. I pray that your spirit knows how much you are cherished. Each day I have with you is a treasured blessing....
This morning I got to hold you for the first time! It was like being in Heaven! I couldn't hold back the tears as I held your sweet body in my arms. I just rocked you back and forth and tried to memorize every bit of you. Your sweet spirit just seems to heal my soul. It saddens me so much to know that I may spend much of my life missing you. Do you know how dear you are to me?...Do you understand that the hardest thing I will ever do is let you go?
Today was your blessing day. We were able to gather in a hospice room with Dad and I, your grandparents, one of my aunts and our bishop.
Your blessing outfit was huge on you but you still looked like an angel....there was such a special spirit in the room and your Daddy gave you a beautiful blessing....Each of us had a chance to hold you. It was such a special afternoon. That night you weren't breathing very well and we thought you were going to be put on the ventilator again. We were told to be prepared to decide whether or not we would want to do that or just let you go. My heart was in agony as I contemplated letting you go before I was ready. Fortunately, the doctors were able to reposition you and get you breathing again. ...as I was alone in my hospital room that night I was overcome with sadness. I just can't bear the thought of losing you...I want you to know how much I treasure you and although I don't understand why things need to be this way, I know that the Lord knows our needs and will comfort my breaking heart...
January 13, 2005:
One of my favorite days was Tuesday. Our doctor let Dallan, the boys and I take Caleb into a hospice room, and Josh and Matthew were able to see Caleb for the first time!
Normally no children under age 18 are allowed, but our sweet doctor has been so kind to consider the needs of our little family during this time. Josh and Matthew were so excited and I was so touched as I watched them hold and interact with their little brother. Josh was so tender with Caleb and just couldn't stop hugging him and rubbing his face against Caleb's face. His little spirit was so full of Joy to be with his baby brother. He didn't want to put him down. Matthew was so excited not to be "the littlest" anymore and just loved holding Caleb! He couldn't wipe the smile off of his face, and he loved playing with Caleb's little fingers. The boys were able to hold and snuggle their baby for two whole hours. As parents, our hearts were so touched to have such a special time together, because even when he's home, Caleb will have to spend most of his time under an oxygen mask. The past few days have been really full as we've been learning how to use all of the hospice equipment so that we can take care of Caleb at our home.... We are so excited to get to be near Caleb everyday! We know that even though we are overwhelmed with how we will be able to keep up with 24 hour care, our family is so blessed to have this little miracle in our lives.
Caleb was in the NICU at primary children's hospital for 8 days. He was so sweet and patient with all of us. He only needed a ventilator for a few days, then was able to breathe with supplemental oxygen. It became apparent to all of us that there was nothing more that could be done for him in the hospital, so we prepared to take him home.
It was overwhelming at first to bring Caleb home. We were surrounded by a host of hospice helpers, learned how to use a kangaroo pump, run the oxygen equipment, and tried to keep Caleb as comfortable as we could. We were counciled to pick out a burial spot, and we did. We worried if each day would be our last.... We had a birthday party for Caleb every week to celebrate his time with us, and we realized we wanted our time with Caleb to be JOYFUL. We decided not to let the medical community take our hope away. We decided that we could celebrate each day and have hope for the future instead of grieving.
January 18, 2005:
Josh loves to hold Caleb's hands and we often find him just quietly watching over him. Matty likes to sing Caleb the ABC's over and over again. We're trying not to look too far into the future and are just enjoying each day with our little miracle - even diaper changes are just sweet and fun!
Caleb has brought an overpowering spirit of love into our home. We feel so honored to be with him. Every time we change his diaper, rock him in the rocking chair, kiss his soft little cheeks, or even just stare at him through tear filled eyes -- we are reminded how much Heavenly Father must love us to bless us with this time with our little miracle. Our hearts are wrapped so tightly around our little baby. We are just so in love with him!
He responds so much to love....
and as we hug him, sing to him, or stroke his little face - his oxygen levels and heart rate always seem to improve. Caleb has taught us what perfect love feels like. I have watched the way people linger at his crib side and didn't want to leave his presence...
April 2008:
If I knew I had to say goodbye to any of my sweet boys, what words would I want them to hear from their mom? I've asked myself that question numerous times especially during tender times with Caleb. It seems like there should be a bigger way to say "I love you"- Where are right words to say that I love them so much that it takes my breath away- that I love them so much that sometimes it even hurts- that I love them so much that my heart wants to beat for them? I know that before they were born just the "hope" of them filled my heart with joy- that when I was expecting I loved knowing that they were growing right next to my heart- and now that they are here, my heart is wrapped so tightly around them that I can't breathe.
I took Caleb to the doctor today and spent the afternoon having chest x rays. He did aspirate and as a result has Pneumonia. He isn't moving air through his lungs very well. He is on a big dose of antibiotics and is in need of a lot of supplemental oxygen. My heart has been tender as I've wondered what I should say to Caleb today. How do I tell him how dear he is to me and how proud I am of him?
But then when I wrap my arms around him, and when I'm really still, I can feel his heart telling me that he knows- and that...
"I love you" is enough.
January 2009:
I have sweet moments with Caleb when I know that I live with an angel. Even when Caleb is so sick that he can hardly move...he still has a miraculous effect on people. During his last hospital stay, I was so touched by the visitors Caleb had...visitors from within the hospital. Many doctors, residents and nurses who have met Caleb before, would come by day after day to check on him, stand by his bed for a moment, and feel his sweet little spirit. Caleb couldn't walk or talk with them - He touched their hearts... and they felt it. I felt it. One told me she had never been so touched and inspired before. I know. Me too.
This last visit was 13 days long. Nine IV's later...and Caleb still shines. I live with an angel, whose feet have never left the ground.
My 2nd little boy, Matthew, would often tell us that Jesus peeked in our windows...I know that the Lord has kept a close watch on our little family as we have been on this journey together...
Caleb is currently 4 years old!
He continues to remind us to find JOY in our journey every day! We aren't sure how much he can see out of his eye, but we know he responds to light. We are also unsure of his hearing abilities, but I see him respond to my voice, to music, and sometimes to loud sounds. Caleb has a trach to help him breath. He also has a shunt to help drain the fluid from his brain.
Caleb is currently on Phenobarbital (seizures), Levothyroxine (thyroid) Previcid (reflux) Baclofen (muscle relaxant) and atrovent (airway) We have had him on topamax, zantac, and erythromycin, but have since weaned him off of them. We also tried Helmet therapy to help with the shape of his skull, but decided it wasn't worth making him uncomfortable when only minimal results were expected. We have also opted not to have surgeries for his cleft palate at this time.
Caleb is a peaceful and patient little boy. His whole countenance shines! He loves to be LOVED. He loves it when I rub his feet, sing to him, and snuggle him. He is so patient with us and he is patient with the challenges he faces in his little body. Even when he has hard days with his respiratory system, seizures or feedings, his little spirit still shines through. He loves to be surrounded by his family and he loves to hear our voices. He also loves it when he is well enough to be outside to feel the sunshine on his face.
For Caleb, touch is largely how he experiences the world. I've helped him splash the water in the bath tub. I've put fall leaves in his hands and helped him crunch them. I've brought snow inside and helped him build a little snowman on a cookie sheet....I've wrapped his arms around my neck and held them there when we've needed a hug...I've put his hands on my cheeks and let them melt to my skin. He loves it when I rub his feet, rub my face in his hair, and rub his chubby tummy. Caleb loves to be touched!
Our biggest goal is to simply surround Caleb with our love...
We have a vision specialist/preschool teacher who visits him twice a week. I have a consult with a physical therapist and Occupational therapist once a month so that I can continue to keep his body stretched and comfortable. Overall, though, I know that Caleb grows and responds the most to LOVE! I know that he has a happy spirit and that he wants our time with him to be joyful!We are so thankful for our little miracle. The overwhelming love we feel for him gives us just a glimpse of the way that our Heavenly Father loves us. The tenderness of knowing our time with him will be limited is also surrounded by so much sweetness. I wish there were a "heart language" that could portray the sweetness that surrounds us as we watch our 3 boys love each other, as we feel Caleb's sweet little body in our arms, and as we feel the love that has filled our home to overflowing.
My biggest sources of inspiration are prayer, other parents, the scriptures, and music.
Two of my favorites songs are:
"I Feel My Savior's Love"
and "Consider the Lillies."
The lyrics:
Consider the lilies of the field,
How they grow, how they grow.
Consider the birds in the sky,
How they fly, how they fly.
He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky.
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.
Consider the sheep of His fold,
How they follow where He leads.
Though the path may wind across the mountains,
He knows the meadows where they feed.
He clothes the lilies of the field.
He feeds the birds in the sky,
And He will feed those who trust Him,
And guide them with His eye.
Consider the sweet, tender children
Who must suffer on this earth.
The pains of all of them He carried
From the day of His birth.
He clothes the lilies of the field,
He feeds the lambs in His fold,
And He will heal those who trust Him,
And make their hearts as gold.
Some talks that have recently inspired me are: The Ministry of Angels by Jeffrey R. Holland, Come What May, and Love It by Joseph B. Wirthlin, and The Infinite Power of Hope by Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
***Caleb is having surgery today to get a G-tube to help him eat, and a nissin to help with reflux. Please keep your thoughts and prayers with Caleb and his family. Visit their blog, Wink From Heaven, to send them well-wishes and to thank them for sharing their special story.
Jan 27, 2009
Taking Turns
Do you have something uplifting/inspiring to share with the rest of us? Hop on the Mister Linky and share away! Your participation will put you in the drawing to win a blanket made of this fabric (being modeled by Chloe)....
Jan 26, 2009
The Year of the Ox
Happy Chinese New Year!!!Here are few ideas to do with the kids to ring in the year of the ox....
Activity Village gives lots of free printable coloring pages perfect to help the kids celebrate the Chinese New Year!
Little Birdie Secrets shares the recipe and tutorial to make homemade egg rolls. Mmmmm my mouth is watering! I'm definitely making these for dinner tonight!
For more ideas for the Chinese New Year, go back to last Monday's post here.
Now.... onto the giveaway! Last week's commenters were put into a drawing to win a $25 gift certificate to Restaurant.com. And the winner is....
Melissa of My Little World: choo-choos, cars & lipgloss. Congrats Melissa!This week's giveaway is a $10 donation to a charity of your choice via JustGive.org. Support kidz and your favorite charity by leaving lots of comments this week!!!
Happy Chinese New Year and have a great week!
Jan 25, 2009
Jan 24, 2009
Don't Laugh
by Mark Wills
I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep
I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet
I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone cross that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
And right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign...so
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
Jan 23, 2009
Stop! In the Name of Love....
Stop! (and other signs made out of fun shapes)
No Time for Flash Cards gives ideas to teach your children sign shapes and meanings, and to add a little color and decor to their rooms as well!
In the Name of Love (and other Valentine's-themed ideas!)
They also show you how to 
Have a great weekend!
Jan 22, 2009
You Are Strong
by Terri MauroHow often has it happened - an acquaintance hears your story or sees your child and says, "I'm not as strong as you. I could never deal with all the things you deal with." And you shake your head modestly, and brush it off, and maybe even feel a little condescended to. But you know what? They're right. You're strong. You're facing things that the average parent doesn't even want to imagine, and you're handling them. Whether you were strong to begin with or had strength thrust upon you by necessity, you're one strong parent, one strong person. Your family needs that strength, your children thrive on it. You may wish you never had to be so strong. But appreciate that strength now. It makes you special. Capable. A force to be reckoned with.
Jan 21, 2009
Healing Wisdom
by Tara Marie Hintz of Emma Sage's blog.Emma: One who heals
Sage: One with great wisdom
Even before her birth, Emma Sage has lived up to her name, by healing and teaching those around her the true meaning of life.
Emma Sage is our fifth child. She was conceived one year to the day of our miscarriage. Before her conception I never fully understood the power of ones soul…….but the moment of her conception, I arose from a deep sleep, overcome by the most incredible sensation.….I sat up as I felt her soul enter into my body [I know you might question this experience, but it was the most profound moment of my life and one that has allowed me the greatest sense of peace.] I knew immediately that I was pregnant. I placed my hands on my lower belly and asked GOD for this baby to stay. It was a warm August night and the moon was full. I laid back down and watched the stars through the skylight thinking about what had just happened.
About 10 days later I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive….I took three more just to be sure. I was very nervous because of our loss that I asked my midwife to check my HGH levels at around 4 weeks. The levels were high and my fears subsided a bit. It was around this time that I began having dreams. I kept dreaming of a little girl who looked just like a china-doll….so tiny and perfect. I had my first dream of having the baby on the side of the road…..Beginning my concern of missing labor and birthing [in my dreams it was everywhere]. My sister who is a L&D nurse would laugh at me when I would tell her of my dream and she brought me a cord clamp and told me to keep it with me. [As fate would have it, we needed to use that cord clamp!] At 8 weeks, we took a family vacation to Florida. While at Universal Studios, Rick, Katrina, Greta and I [Otto was at Disney World with my mother, sister and her family] we were sitting in NYC waiting for the Blues Brothers show…..when this powerful sensation came over me again. I was watching this beautiful little boy dancing around…he would come up to us and smile and then dance away back to his parents. After the show started I could not keep my eyes off of this little guy. I looked at Rick and told him that I thought that this little baby was going to be exactly like that little boy [that it would have Down syndrome]. Rick put his arm around me and said, “That would be just fine”. I told my sister about the incident that night at dinner and we both forgot about it.
At my 13-week visit I was measuring big for dates, so my midwife asked if it was OK to do an ultrasound to rule out twins. Rick and I agreed [I was actually so nervous this pregnancy and wanted to take a ‘peek’ at little one]. The ultrasound was one of the worst experiences of my life….for the only reason being that the technician was cold and in the middle of the scan said “There is something wrong with this baby” and left it at that, even though I was asking her millions of questions. While I was wiping off the goop, she called my midwife and said, “I think we have a problem”…..Rick and I went right up to my midwifes office. There, my midwife Peggy told me that the technician had measured the baby’s neck and the measurement was abnormal. The baby’s nuchal translucency was 3.6mm and anything over 3.5mm was a soft marker for Down syndrome. Later that night Rick and I sat outside in the barn on his motorcycle and talked. I asked him at one point “what are we going to do?” and he looked at me and said “we are having a baby, we are not GOD, nor should we ever play GOD” [[man do I love this guy…..he is my best friend and he gives me such strength at times]] I was just so scared not knowing …….but this began my quest on finding everything I could on nuchal translucency, soft markers & Down syndrome. We already knew we would not have an amnio and we scheduled a level II genetic ultra sound for 19 weeks gestation at a teaching hospital near us.
The time between the 13-week scan and the 19-week scan proved to be one of the most enlasightening times of my life. Everyone who asked me about my pregnancy heard about the possibility that the baby might have Down syndrome and the responses I got amazed me….from “you will be truly blessed if the baby does” to “What are you going to do, you're not going to have it are you?” One of the most profound comments came from my daughter Greta. While discussing with the children the ultrasound and ‘choices’ people make based on pre-natal testing, Greta looked at me and said “So mom, if parents had a crystal ball [like the ultrasound machine] and found out that the baby they were carrying was perfect and when that baby was five it was in a horrible accident and became disabled and they had to take care of that child for the rest of their lives, could those parents choose to terminate that baby just because they didn’t want to deal with it later on?” [[See I told you Emma Sage was already teaching those around her the true meaning of life, even before she entered into our world.]]
At the level II, my sister came with me. She used to work at St. Peters and I wanted her with me to also look at the scan to see if there were any issues with the baby’s heart or other major organs [I had come to accept the T21 very easily…it was health issues that I was scared of, because I wanted to make sure we delivered at the right hospital if little one need immediate medical care [how funny is this when fate had its hand on where Emma Sage was to be born]]. The baby was free of any structural issues and the nuchal translucency had corrected itself at this point. We did have a slightly abnormal pyelectusis, so another soft marker was found. This changed my risk/ratio from 1/47 to 1/280. At a 28-week scan the baby had no soft markers for Down syndrome, but I knew in my heart already that she would be born with that extra little chromosome.
I celebrated this pregnancy. I shared with everyone the joy we felt, even in light of the question of T21, because to me, that didn’t matter……this was a baby, a perfect and beautiful baby. My dreams kept intensifying. It seemed like at least once a week I would dream of missing labor and birthing where-ever…..my sister always laughed when I would tell her of my dreams and kept reminding me to keep the cord clamp with me. I kept dreaming of an angel…..
I thought it was the baby we lost trying to reassure me that everything would be fine.
Three days before Emma Sage’s birth we were at the library and for some strange reason I found and checked out the book ‘Babies with Down syndrome.’ When my mother-in-law saw the book I had checked out [along with a bunch of books on gardening] she looked at me and said “you're not going to need this book”, and I just smiled at her and said “I know, it is for just in case.”
Emma Sage was due on May 5th……..on Tuesday, May 8th I was busy that evening helping my oldest daughter with her science project. We finished up the project and everyone headed to bed early [Rick had an early trip and needed to leave the house by 3:00a.m.] I had bad gas and went down stairs to take a warm bath…..I would then sleep on the reclining chair for an hour or so and then wake up with ‘gas’, and take another bath…..this went on three times. After the last bath I fell asleep to wake to what I thought were finally contractions. It was 1:00 a.m. I timed them for 15 minutes and at 1:20 a.m. called my sister to say that I think was going into labor [at this point they were beginning to hit me fast and furious, but I could still walk and talk through them] She told me to call my midwife and she would get dressed and meet me at the hospital. I called the midwife at 1:25 a.m., getting her answering service, left a message and waited [timing what seemed to be waves of contractions, never really beginning nor ending]. She called me back at 1:33 a.m. {which awoke Rick, who jumped out of bed and got dressed because he figured something was going on}. I told her I was not sure if this was the start of labor, but that I felt so weird and that could she check me out and if it were nothing she could send me home. She said she was on her way to the hospital and would meet me there. We woke up the children and I dressed Otto, while I was bending over to put on his overalls, I was hit with a contraction that scared me. I asked him if he could put on his shoes, because mommy didn’t feel like bending over anymore. I got myself dressed and while I was pulling up my overalls, I got another contraction that hit me like a ton of bricks…..I got real scared because I thought to myself “If this is the way my labor is beginning, I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle it and is it a good thing to be bringing the children to the birth if I’m out of control”……I walked down stairs [Rick and the kids were on their way out the door] and when I got to the bottom I had this strong sensation to go to the bathroom. I told Rick I had to go to the bathroom….pulling off my clothes. When I got in there I realized that I was going to have the baby. I yelled for Rick telling him that I thought I was going to have the baby right away. I asked him “Where should I go?”,,,thinking living room floor or back up to my bed and Rick tells me “Get in the bathtub”….he throws down a bunch of clean towels and he calls 911. I hear him on the phone and he yells, “kids quick, what is our address again?” [Our address had changed a few years back for 911 but he could never remember the street number as opposed to our old RR#]
Now this is where fate steps in again………I knew this was going to be Emma Sage’s birth….I just did not know where, but I knew it was going to be just us. The most amazing thing about Emma Sage’s birthplace is that it is exactly the same area that Rick’s grandfather died [his grandfather died on the toilet in the same bathroom within inches of where Emma Sage was born... and actually Rick was sitting on the closed toilet, on the phone with 911 helping me deliver her….I think that there must be a gateway for souls to enter and leave this world at that spot….[and this is where Emma Sage’s third name comes from, her Great-grandfathers name was Alexander and we decided to add Alexandra to her name to honor her great-grandfather and the location of his death and her birth] Anyway, I truly believe that the dreams I kept having were a premonition to prepare us for birthing her alone. I also think that divine intervention was there, keeping her birth a peaceful and joyous occasion and not one that was over-run by medical inquiry. We were the ones to deliver her and welcome her into this world. I was the one who said upon her birth as I raised her up in my arms to my chest “Oh, look honey, she does have Down syndrome!”……..The children were there and we were a family.
We got to ride to the hospital in an ambulance and waiting there at the emergency entrance was my mother, my sister and Peggy, my midwife. Peggy looked at me and said “If it is nothing you can send me home?” and laughed out loud because Emma Sage was delivered into our world within 14 minutes of my telling her that.
Because Emma Sage was born outside the hospital she was considered a ‘dirty baby’ and had to stay with us [I would have had it no other way, but because of her Down syndrome if she had been born at the hospital they would have taken her away from me…..so see I told you there were greater forces at hand helping us at her birth!]……we all laugh to this day about her being the ‘dirty baby who was born in a BATHTUB!’
I knew right away she had Down syndrome and my midwife and sister both said that they too thought she did….we had many doctors come in to take a peek at her. I was scared at first because she was hypotonic and chilly so they had a warmer brought in for her….she wouldn’t latch on to nurse right away [even though she did on the ambulance ride over] and went into a deep, deep sleep. I started pumping right away because I would not allow them to supplement her with formula. She would nurse from a syringe those first 24 hours and then she latched on and has been a champion nurser ever since [I still breastfeed her and will most likely continue till she is 4 or 5 [that is if she wants too!] like I nursed all of her siblings.
There are so many things that have happened since Emma Sage entered into our world. She was the source of comfort for everyone in our family the week following her birth, when my brother tragically died. She filled everyone's arms with love and hope. She carried our whole family through that very sad time.
If Emma Sage had not been born with Down syndrome, I would have most likely been at the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 [I was scheduled to attend a conference where a few of my friends perished] but I refused to leave her.
When we were in Montreal the summer after she was born we had this older gentleman walk right up to us [Emma Sage was in my sling so you couldn’t really see her but the top of her head] he placed his hand right on her and said “you have a very special baby here” We looked at this kind, old stranger and said “thank you, we think she is very special” and he said “No, she is very special and will touch many people's lives…..I’m not positive how she will do it, but she will touch so many people”……the kids and I took a moment to think about what he said and he smiled and walked away……we looked back to the park were he was headed and couldn't see him anywhere. To this day I believe he was a messenger. And I must agree with him. In Emma Sage’s short life, she has touched so many people. Her bright smile, her sweet disposition and charm captures everyone she meets. I know her life will be filled with inspiring others, because she inspires us every day.
Fast-forward two years:
Today is Emma Sage’s second birthday. What a glorious day it is…….Emma Sage is the happiest little girl you could ever meet. She is patient and kind…..very inquisitive and loves to explore everything. She is healthy and growing wonderfully [even though she is still a peanut. Today she weighed 21.5 lbs., was 33 inches and her head was 45.5mm]
Emma Sage’s development is strong and consistent in all areas. We are still ‘opted’ out of Early Intervention and are caring for her whole development through mainstream activities. At her appointment today with the doctor he was amazed and delighted with her. I could list all she is up too, but I don’t because that is not who Emma Sage is……there are areas that are slower to develop and areas that are strong. We as a family know her strengths and weaknesses and work with her daily on helping her achieve all that she is capable of. Her speech and socialization amaze me [the chatter-box that I am, this little girl can out chat me! Lol] and I am so thankful that she is mastering these skills. She loves the Wiggles and Elmo. She would rather be outside, even in the rain, than to be indoors. She is our little escape artist and we have to watch her every move, because if given the opportunity to go outside, she will take it. She loves babies and is such a big helper for her mommy with the little guy I watch. She loves to sit up on my lap and give him his bottle….she is right there with a tissue when it is time to change diapers, and if Ben gets into something he is not allowed too, she will tell him, “no, no” and come get me.
I can not imagine our lives with out Emma Sage. She has brought so much love and laughter, faith and compassion to our family. We are truly blessed by Emma Sage!
Fast forward five years:
It is hard to believe she has had five more birthdays since this was posted. This is the story of how Down syndrome entered into our lives.....presenting itself in the genetic make-up of our youngest child.
In the dark, cold days,
There shines a light
To make my heart
So pure and bright!
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